Over the past 7 months, I’ve thought a lot about my initial misconceptions about my boyfriend. Do I think at the time he was interested in having a girlfriend? Yes, he wanted a connection with someone, and didn’t enjoy the whole dating scene nearly as much as I had over the past 3 years. He had been single for 3 years, just about the same as me. And try as he might, he couldn’t find what he was looking for in a girlfriend. He knew he wanted that connection, but couldn’t understand why it wasn’t happening. He was tired of dating, and ready for something to work out. I on the other hand, was avoiding that connection. I had found it in some, and sought out guys who were looking for less than a committed relationship before this one. Dating emotionally handicapped men, guys just out of relationships whose exes I knew, foreigners, guys with girlfriends, you name it, I was dating unavailable men. I thought I was looking for a relationship, but I was looking for excuses to have them not work out. There were times I was upset but it wasn’t so much about the relationship and I was always excited to get back into the dating scene as soon as possible. So, maybe I judged Mr. Perfect too harshly in my initial opinions of his behavior. He was just someone who knew what he wanted, and wasn’t afraid to put it out there. He wasn’t playing a game, he never made me wonder if he was interested from the start. From day one he has always returned every phone call, text message, email as necessary. I’ve never been left wondering if he’s all of the sudden not interested. He’s exactly what every girl claims they want when they whine and moan about dating and the games men play. My boyfriend is a very literal person, and takes things at face value. He listens to people when they talk, and he believes people when they say, “I want a guy who doesn’t play games…blah, blah, blah” I thought I meant that and wanted that all along, but I don’t think I did while I was dating in the city. I criticized him for doing exactly what I said I wanted, and in the end, I’m the lucky one.

7 months ago tomorrow, at 11 pm, my 5 hour first date with Mr. Perfect ended. There have been wonderful times, and we’ve had some trouble over the past 7 months. Our relationship is in no way, shape or form, perfect. Like all healthy relationships, we fight. We argue, and make up. There are times we irritate each other, times I don’t want to see him or talk to him, but that never lasts for very long. He supports me, and loves me, and I can’t believe I was ever so foolish to think that he was anything other than perfect, 100%, for me.

How much do the little things in life matter?

I was out tonight with Mr. Perfect and some friends, and it was a good time. He seemed to be really enjoying himself and didn’t have any trouble making conversation with either of my friends. He has been with out with them twice before, so maybe the third time is the charm? I could tell he was having a really good time, but I was really tired. I wasn’t as into the conversations as the rest of them were and really I just wanted to go home and go to sleep. We’ve spent every day this week together since Tuesday, and I slept at his place every night except Thursday. Tomorrow will be the first day in 5 that I won’t see him. There has been a lot going on and I’m really glad that he’s been a part of it, but tomorrow is my best friend’s bridal shower, so there is a lot to be done. We were driving home from the the outing, and a song I really like but don’t hear that often came on the radio. I was singing along to it, not loudly, but audibly. Out of nowhere, Mr. Perfect changes the radio station in the middle of the song. I was slightly hurt, but thought maybe he didn’t realize that I liked it. I said to him, hey I really liked that song. And his response? “Yeah, I could tell.” but kept it on the other station. I was stinging at that point from that response, so when he reached over to hold my hand, I didn’t offer it. He could tell I was upset, but didn’t turn the radio station back until the song he wanted to listen to was over. I’m not trying to pick a fight with him over the fact that he changed the radio station, in his own car, but it made me start wondering if this could be a small indication on how he will be on other matters. He deliberately changed something that I was enjoying for something that he could enjoy more, with no thought for me at all. Yes, it’s small, and if I really wanted to listen to the song, I could go download it in my own time… but that’s not really the point. The point is how this could translate into larger matters… like, tv shows, movie choices, possible dinner selections? I’m trying to be light hearted, because after the fact, I realize it’s pretty trivial.

He text messaged me not long after he got home, and said he was worried I was mad about the radio thing which means he noticed. And I just called him and talked to him about it, and all is worked out…. but it’s still the littlest things that make all the difference. It’s hard being in a relationship with someone, it’s hard to get used to new nuances and quirks, the way someone else’s habits clash with your own. It’s something I’m learning, after a long time of just doing my own thing, and realizing that as I’m 5 years older than I was in my last long term serious relationship, it’s a lot harder to adapt to someone else.

But for now good readers, I bid you adieu, and good reading. Sorry for the lack of information, there’s lots going on but not much to say….

When I walked in, Mr. P gave me a weird look and just said, “teacher clothes?” I had forgotten that he had never really scene me in work clothes, so of course I got all self conscious, and apologized immediately for not changing… Then I realized that I don’t need to apologize for wearing my work clothes. Just because he can wear jeans to work doesn’t mean I can, and doesn’t mean that I can’t look nice every once in a while! So, I kind of retracted my apology with a statement that was probably meaner than it should have been. When I mentioned that my car was still at school and asked if could drive me back after dinner, his initial reaction was to ask me how far away my school was. I realize that he was just being practical, but seriously, does it matter if it was 10 minutes away or 20? If he wasn’t going to drive me back no matter the distance I probably would have been done, unless he had a really good reason. Dinner was ok a little weird but only because I was making it weird. I didn’t feel comfortable because I kept thinking he might break up with me, or he was bored or something. He drove me back to my car, and I felt things were better then. He checked on my tires and then I followed him back to his place. I definitely spent the majority of the night being super sweet and trying very very hard not to give him any reason to not want to be with me. This is new for me because I’m usually of the mentality that I shouldn’t have to go out of my way for someone just because they may not have liked something I’ve said/done. Usually I’m pretty secure in my actions, but I realized that I had been acting crazy last weekend and was really scared of what could have come of that. I was going to go home since I didn’t have any stuff with me but I spent the night, unplanned, because I fell asleep there. We’re starting to get into a very comfortable routine with each other.

I think it’s hard to adjust to being in a real relationship after being single for over 3 years. I know I was in a few relationships that lasted a couple of months, but they never really seemed serious. This one feels like something different. I don’t know what, but I think I’m past my itchy stage and back into a likable place. He definitely has some nuances and quirks that are going to take me time to adjust to, but he’s got way too many good qualities to give up for some itchiness. I think I annoy him just as much sometimes because I definitely have some qualities that can be undesirable. He puts up with mine with little to no irritation, so I really should cut him some slack on his.

I once dated a guy at length who had virtually no friends, and did not have a group of people that he spent time with. In return, all social time was spent with my friends, but I was left feeling extremely guilty anytime that I wanted to go out on a Friday or Saturday night without him. Mr. Perfect has a select few friends, one of whom I’ve met, but not a group that he really socializes with independently. It’s not a problem yet, but I feel like it’s something that may eventually come up.

Also, lately I’ve been on the slightly crazy side of the spectrum. Blame it on whatever you want, but I’ve been ridiculously emotional lately. Today I found out the wheels I bought for my new car don’t fit, and I’m going to have to buy a whole new set of wheels. I have no idea about anything to do with tires and wheels, and I was really hoping that Mr. Perfect would volunteer to come help me figure it all out. He didn’t, and worse yet, didn’t call me when he knew I was upset/frustrated about the situation. I would have really appreciated him calling me, just to see if I was ok, and when I eventually called him, he was less sympathetic than I would have liked. This made me even more upset than I already was, and I don’t think he handles the emotional side of me very well. This also makes me itchy and start to wonder if maybe 7 weeks is long enough.

We’re maybe going to have dinner tomorrow, and I think the emotional tidal wave I’m riding may come crashing down all over him. Unfortunately for him, I don’t think he has a clue what’s coming.

I was talking to a friend today who had talked to another friend of ours who had met Mr. Perfect last weekend. My first instinct was to grill her on everything that the friend said about him, to gauge whether or not she thought he was a good match for me, or if she totally disliked him. My friend didn’t have much information about the topic, and I quickly realized that it doesn’t really matter to me whether my friend liked him or not, because I like him. I think this is what has always been lacking in my relationships. I’ve always been so borderline like/hate with the guys I’ve dated, I’ve constantly sought the approval of friends and family to tell me if I was right in actually dating the person. With Mr. Perfect, I feel secure in what I know about him to know that he is in fact good for me, at least for right now. I don’t need the approval of anyone, and while I would like my friends and family to like the person I am dating, I don’t need anyone to tell me he’s great, because I know he is.

There’s a huge lifestyle change that comes with being in a relationship when you’ve been virtually single for the past 3 years or so… It probably deserves it’s own blog entry, but I am realizing how much time I once had for all the little things in life that right now I’m finding hard to cram in just the essentials. Spending full weekends together is wonderful, and I’m glad that I have found someone that it comes so easily with, however the necessities in life, laundry, lesson plans, catching up with friends, are all harder to find time for. I need to start managing my time away from Mr. Perfect better so I can enjoy the time we do spend without worry.

I have to say that I am very happy with my life right now. I have a boyfriend that treats me better than I ever thought I deserved, I’m happy (enough) with my job and my education status, and even though I’d be happier not living at my parents’ house, there’s an overall content feeling for my life.

Every Wednesday, my friends and I go to a healthy fast food place after our weekly WW meetings. The owner knows us, the servers know us, we’re like celebrities. Or so we like to think. This week we were having our food, and a couple walked in. I turned around briefly and glanced at them. My first thought was, wow, that guy really looks like [high school boyfriend]. I turned back around and said to my friends, I think that’s my ex-boyfriend over there. I turned back around and then decided it wasn’t him. I wasn’t convinced though, so when he went over to the counter to order I could get a better look. Sure enough, it was my ex. With a little bit longer sideburns, shorter hair, and everything else exactly the same. He either had no idea it was me, or did a stellar job ignoring me. I wasn’t really going out of my way to talk to him, he was there with a girl, and it was uncertain if they were there on a date or just as friends (they paid separately… that always throws me off!) Once I’m trying to either not notice or really notice someone, I get very self-aware of my behavior and words. I start feeling unnatural and showy, even if I’m not. I figure he MUST have seen me, or he was just really oblivious. We were the only 2 groups of people in the entire place. I thought about going over to say hi to him when the girl he was with went to the bathroom, but he was really not making eye contact at all, so he probably did not want to talk to me. I kind of wish I had, just to say hi, and not be socially weird towards him. It wouldn’t have changed anything, it was 10 years ago that we were together, and it’s not like there is anything left there attraction-wise.

So, better or not, he’s less of a mystery now that I’ve seen him. A couple of weeks ago, Mr. Perfect met up with me there, and part of me wished that had been the case this week. It’s probably better that he didn’t, I would have put on a show for sure then. And problems with Mr. Perfect from this weekend have been resolved and rectified… we both overreacted and thought the other was mad. We usually hang out on Wednesday, but due to schedule conflicts, I’m not seeing him until Friday. I’m enjoying missing him this week, and I think it will make our weekend even better.

Once everyone got there and we got set up, I was a bit calmer but still stressed because of the money situation, making sure everyone paid, so I didn’t get stuck with a huge bill at the end with no cash to cover it. I kind of left Mr. Perfect to fend for himself for parts of the evening, and for the most part he did well. He talked to all of my friends and their significant others, and didn’t seem to be awkward or struggling to have fun at all. Maybe he’s not socially awkward after all? Towards the end of the night I noticed him standing by himself not talking to anyone. I waved him to come over where I was talking to one of the guidance counselors, but he shook his head and stayed put. When I went over to see if he was ok, he said he just wanted to some time to decompress and was fine. My friends from school were all planning on going out after the bowling event, and I knew that Mr. Perfect would not have had a good time if we went. I declined partying further with my friends to ensure we had some time to spend together that night. It was the nicest night we’ve spent together to date, and he may be close to telling me something I’m not exactly ready for. I don’t think he is either, which is why I’m glad he didn’t say it just yet. He did tell me that I have a big piece of his heart, which is close enough for me right now. I stayed until about 2 the following day. He drove me home, and we made plans for me to come back again that night for dinner. We were in that place where you enjoy spending so much time with someone that you forget that sometimes it can be too much. I ended up spending more time at home than I planned and was a little late to getting down to his place around 7ish. We went to dinner where we kind of had a weird conversation about our expectations to our first date prior to going on it. Of course, my expectations were low and I was pleasantly surprised. He asked me why I had such low expectations for our date, and I couldn’t find the right words to explain it was because he made it very clear to me before our date that he wanted a girlfriend… And now, that’s me. Hmmm. I didn’t want him to think that I thought he was desperate, so I twisted something around and made it seem like I always have low expectations for dates, which is generally true. Anyway, he said he had no expectations for our date, and was happy with how it turned out. Also that after a month he evaluates the relationship to see if it’s something that he can see lasting a while. At first I hesitated because I have a friend whose relationship ended this way, but then I remembered what he told me the night before so I wasn’t too worried. He went on to tell me how he thinks we’re a really good fit, and sees us being together for a while. I agreed.

Since he had already met my school friends, I wanted him to meet some of my best friends. I arranged for us to go have drinks with my best friend and her fiance, and if I plan to take Mr. Perfect to their wedding in a few months, he needs to get to know them. I could tell he wasn’t thrilled with the idea of going out for drinks (he’s not a big drinker, and he thought it was going to be a loud party scene), and we kind of had our first fight. It wasn’t really a fight, but he wasn’t being overly interested and I kind of picked something petty and made a big deal over it. I have the tendency to do that. I got over it fairly quickly though, but he seemed to dwell on it. Drinks with my friends turned out to be fine, and he was able to converse at length with my friend’s fiance, while my friend and I talked about girl things: weddings, shoes, dresses, Mr. Perfect. I noticed though that Mr. Perfect was definitely being less affectionate with me, and we hardly talked the whole time while we were there with my friends. He wasn’t being socially awkward towards them, but he was being awkward with me. When we left, he walked a good 10 feet ahead of me to the door, and I felt kind of put off by that. We didn’t talk much in the car, and he was being defensive. When we got back to his place I decided to just let him be. I changed into my pjs and hung out on the couch until he decided to come over to talk to me. He eventually did, and he said that he was just feeling weird because I have so many friends and he doesn’t have any groups of people he considers his friends. I understand this, but at the same time, he shouldn’t take it out on me because I do. We talked about it, and things were ok. They weren’t great, and compared to the night before, it was probably our worst night ever. In the morning, we went to brunch and things were ok, but far from great. I’m worried that this small event took a big toll on the relationship. I’m wondering if he’s still mad at me, or upset with the way the weekend went. I know I’m feeling unsettled about it, and I don’t know how to bring it up without seeming like I’m harping on it. I will give it a few days to simmer and settle, hopefully by mid-week things will be back to being perfect with Mr. P.

My car needs a new rim in the front passenger side. Besides dating, this blog has recently been a good place to vent about my tire woes on my new car. All those flat tires from the time of CK to now have caught up with me, and I bent the rim on the front passenger side, and I currently am riding on the spare. I can’t drive over 50 mph on it, and being the gentleman that he is, Mr. Perfect offered to come pick me up on Saturday so I wouldn’t have to drive on my tire. He picked me up around 3, and we had a few hours to hang out before we needed to go to his friend’s party. At some point during this time I should have eaten a real meal (not just pretzels and jelly beans), and taken a nap, which would have allowed Mr. P to get everything he needed ready for his gift for his friend’s husband. Turns out, we needed to be there a half hour earlier than planned, we spent all of our time doing the things neither of us needed to be doing, and we were running late. Once I mentioned that I hadn’t eaten anything more substantial than pretzels and jelly beans in the past 12 hours, Mr. P offered to stop and get food, but that would have made us even more late. The place where the party was supposed to be had a power outage, and the party was moved to his friend’s apartment. It was fine once we got over the whole social awkwardness that both of us seemed to be displaying. I ended up talking to one guy for a long time about food (note: I was really hungry at this point), and he used to be a chef, so he had some incredible stories. We talked for probably a good half hour -45 mins, and I could feel Mr. Perfect watching us. I tried to signal to him to join us, but he either didn’t notice or didn’t care. It was fine and I really don’t think he was that concerned. But I did feel bad that I was spending more time talking to another guy, and not spending time with Mr. P, when I was there as his guest. After that, a rousing game of Guitar Hero broke out so all conversations pretty much ceased, but I didn’t partake. I skipped the birthday cake and I think I actually started to fall asleep on the couch. I’m sure I made a wonderful first impression on his friend.

When we left, I was so tired that the hunger was beyond me. He insisted on stopping at WaWa to get me something to eat anyway and going in to get it while I rested in the car. I don’t remember much after getting back to his place, my main concern was getting into bed.

The DTR happened earlier in the morning today. I don’t recall how it was brought up, but he did mention how he didn’t know if he should have called me his girlfriend last night. We talked about it, and it’s official, I’m no longer dating anyone else. Today we spent the day together, and unlike last time, spending over 24 hours together seemed easy and natural. I wasn’t getting frustrated or irritated with him, which is a good sign. We went shopping together, I needed new running shoes and he needed new jeans (again). He took me to brunch at a place I had really been wanting to go to, and then we proceeded to go to DSW, Trader Joe’s (he had never been), The Gap, Old Navy, and Marshall’s. After all of that, I was rather spent. He came back to my place, and I invited him in, knowing full well that both my parents would be there. He met my dad, as he had already met my mom briefly. He didn’t stay long, but it was a significant gesture on my part.

Now, the hard part. When do I tell him about the blog? It feels like a betrayal to not tell him, but I don’t want him to read it. I don’t know if he’d be able to find it if I told him about it… but people in the past have found it relatively easily, and he’s not technologically slow. Maybe it’s time to call it quits. I’ll try to post entertaining or amusing tidbits that may be interesting to blog weekly, but I can’t promise anything.